Food Addiction Going Down

Dear God,

For the past week I've been convicted of my food addiction and actually identified it as a food addiction.  I can feel all the sexual abuse feelings beginning to resurface.  They seem as painful today as they were with Carol. 

Thank you for the gifts of Marie and my new therapist, Faith.  Meeting with them two days in a row has surfaced the sadness and lots of tears.  I know you have me in the palm of your hand.  I know I will survive this next step in healing.  I know you'll be with me all the way.

Lord, I'm going to need Faith to pray over me when our sessions are finished.  I depended on that from Carol.  Even though there were times I felt uncomfortable I believe her tenderness reached your ears and her wisdom gave me encouragement.  Just hearing her voice comforted me.  I shall ask for it.

My food history was very hard to write.  I edited it today, adding some memories and feelings I'd remembered.  Shame seems to be my primary feeling along with sad and scared.  I'm very tired and want to sleep well.  I know the sexual abuse and physical abuse cause sleepless restless nights and early mornings.  I pray you'll give me the strength I need to get through each day without overeating, cutting or drinking.  I never want to do these things that are so destructive to my body ever again.

Lord, I drempt of Kelly.  I so wish and hope and pray that her relationship with you hasn't suffered since Rob's death.  This weekend will be the anniversary of his death and the anniversary of their marriage.  Is she okay?  I still love her so much but I know there's nothing I can do but pray your comfort and healing for her broken heart.  I can't imagine the pain she went through nor what she is now going through.  Only you can see her.  Please continue calling her name until she meets your Son in a personal relationship.  Only through Him can she have everlasting love.

Please give Marie the desires of her heart.  The next job, the next vacation, the next car, the next blessings.  She is a faithful servant, Mom and friend.  Bless her with the last part of her weight loss.  She has come a long way and I'm so excited for her!

Please help me through all this emotional stuff.  I know it's not baggage - it's history.  Or rather, my-story.  Never let me forget where I came from but always impress upon me forgiveness toward those who hurt me deeply.

Love your daughter,
Amy Kathleen

Depression

Dear Lord,

The depression this time around is debilitating.  I'm downcast, eating, tired and blah.  I know my cycle is adding to the imbalance.  Everyday I want to die.

I've been tempted to drink.  No temptations to cut or overdose.  I'm trying to stay busy.

I've painted most of my kitchen, the pantry area.  Now I have to move on to the living room trim and touchups.

Ryan has a game tonight I hope to go see. 

Aaron's 21st birthday was yesterday.  I'm so sad he's not here.

"Don't let your heart be troubled.  Trust in the Father; trust also in me."  John 14:1

Love your daughter,
Amy Kathleen

Energy

Dear God,

Today I've had an abundance of energy.  Getting chores done, taking care of lowering some bills, library, and other stuff that's needed doing.  I wish I felt like this everyday.

Dr. Macejkow called with a great report about my kidney.  Lots of sand must have passed because my kidney looks so much better.  She's very excited and asked if I could hear it in her voice.  She is such a hands on doctor.  I love her!!  You know what I mean.

I feel very good about the money I spent and how I spent it.  I even have a little in my gas tank.

Time to wind down for the evening although I feel like I can keep going.

Please sell my punching bag.  I have a prospective buyer.

Love your daughter,
Amy Kathleen

A Brand New Day

Dear Father,

Today is a brand new day filled with possibilities and wonders.  I'm so thrilled at how good my ceiling looks after a couple of coats of paint.  It's not done yet but I'm still excited it's well on it's way.  Once that gets done I can go around and repaint the edges.  Then I can paint the kitchen and finish the floor.  Your house is almost complete!  Just have to get some wall trip and floor trim.  Once piece at a time.

I'm not feeling so stressed out today.  Thank you for rest and recovery and Lorazepam.  I have to go to the dollar store and get some things but I know you are the one who is providing for all my needs.

Today I ask for comfort for Pamela Sue and Soni; please have the chemo work for her cancer.  I pray for my family to walk closer with you and to be still and hear your voice.  Please help me to clean out my fridge and make good food selections.  I should probably be writing them down.

Above all else, please help me to stay in your will.  To write down Ps 32:8 and 34:18.  It's so good to have only the family channels on DirecTV.  I feel more pure.

I love you and I give my whole life to you!
Thanks for Laurie, Marie and Annie - my three.

Love your daughter,
Amy Kathleen

Cleaning House

Dear God,

So much cleaning going on inside your house.  I've attacked my bedroom and strive to keep up with housework.  I've written down rooms to clean like my mom and it's helping a lot.  I'm working on my bathroom today.  I'm one room behind but I figure with switching my laundry day it's okay.  :)

Thank you for all you've given and all you continue to give.  I'm talking with Nina from Ashford University this morning to check out their online program.  I don't know what her exact role is as an advisor but I hope she can answer some of my questions.

I'm feeling lead to meet with Carol or try to get in touch with Julie about their schooling.  I'm wanting to do a Ph.D. because the brilliant people who've been plugged into my life have suggested it.  I'm honored that you have blessed me with a multi-ability brain.  I'm equally blessed my body is feeling better.

Here we go!  Please help me to love my monkey without prejudice or judgment.  I don't know why those evil thoughts keep going through my head.  She is my daily buddy without whom my life would be very different and empty.

I miss Bonnie very much.  Every time I hear the words "best friend" or even the word monkey I remember her fondly.  I do pray she is happy and has a new woman monkey.  I know Tom is her main guy!!

Please bless me with wisdom for the day.  Please bless Soni with fortitude, wisdom, discernment and safety. Please keep Tom safe in her absence so she has no additional worries.  Please bless Kim with another great day of teaching.  Please help her students to see the big heart she has and no bull allowed rules.  Please bless Tracy with wisdom and discernment as she sorts through her new role as a Stepmom.  Please help Tina as her family gets ready to go back to school.  I know she'll miss them greatly.  Please bless my Mom with renewed energy for weight loss and good health.  Bless her little business so she can be financially unconcerned about all things.

My love to Marie, Jo, Laurie, Annie, Donald, Pam, Kim, Suzanne, my family, those in Heaven and those I've missed.  Please bless my friends with a closer relationship with you.  Especially Soni's sister, Pam.

Love your daughter,
Amy Kathleen

Tuesday

Dear God,

I seem to be feeling better.  I'm trying to take my medication daily.  Physically I'm not having so many headaches and my abdominal region is better.  Maybe some of it has been stress.  Or maybe some of it was the big kidney stone.  In either case, I'm grateful to You that I'm feeling better.

It's time to go for a walk.  That's what I keep hearing in my head.  I'd rather go for a ride.  I hate walking.  It hurts my back.  I'll make some adjustments to my bike and take it for a pedal.

Please help me to focus on You today.  I have a couple of note cards to mail.  I see Cookie waiting for the person who drives by and honks hello to her.  I pray they come soon.  If not, I pray she still feels your love.

I need to let go of DirecTV.  It's been fun and was affordable.  But now with the price doubling I just can't do it.  Maybe I should be without TV for a little while.  I don't want to become addicted to it.  I really did enjoy watching the Olympics!!  Thank you!

Off I go to another day.  I'm trying to get information about an online university.  Please direct my path.

I love you!
Your daughter,
Amy Kathleen

Out Of It

Dear God,

I'm feeling really out of it today.  With the visit from Aunt Flow I am depleted of energy.  Going through menopause or the near end stages of it is more difficult than I hoped.  I want to eat but my stomach is not hungry.  More thirsty.

I'd like to be able to take the girls to the water park.  If you can make the weather happen that would be great.  If not, please let me find another way to spend time with them.

Thank you for Pam's generosity.  I am blessed beyond what I deserve.

Love,
Amy Kathleen