Dear God,
This month started with June 1st being the one year anniversary of Kim's Dad's death. The next day Mrs. Keller passed away. Tracy called to say Mario's brain tumor has returned, is double in size at the base of his skull and inoperable. She asked me to send Chelsea some Bible verses for herself and to read to Mario. I'm humbled to be asked to do this for my niece.
I am grieving the loss of all these people. I'm grieving for Kim, for Steve, for Chelsea and Neena and in some way, I'm grieving Mrs. Keller's death and Aaron. I'm grieving the loss of Bonnie though she is quite alive.
Redoing Aaron's memorial site was pleasure mixed with pain. The pleasure was putting a hula danccer on top of the stone. The pain was recalling how he died to a neighbor and what I miss most about his absence. His death still brings fresh tears to my eyes. I'll always remember how he would run out of the house right at me, calling my name then giving me a great big hug. To feel his arms around me, the love he shared, would be so healing. But for now, I wait until Heaven to see him again.
Crying seems to be what I'm doing the most. Having physical energy to work on the lawn, decorate it with little animals and flowers, waking up sore the next day...all blessings of relieving stress and grief. Even some belly laughing from a book. Not overeating. Gonna weigh myself tomorrow to see how it's going.
Lord, please grant me sleep. I seem to be struggling since last week. Please give Dr. Caban wisdom as we discuss medication. Remind me to listen, listen, listen.
I love you. Please guide my heart as I search for verses for Chelsea. You are a good Father, a loving God and an outstanding writer. Thank David for me. The Psalms are where I'm headed.
Love your faithful daughter,
Amy Kathleen
