Dear God,
I really goofed today. I decided to eat my carbs for the day in the morning. I wasn't able to control my intake, citing I wasn't feeling full. Not until I took those last 5 bites.
What's wrong with me???????????????????????????
I consciously sabotage myself.
Then I helped Pam power wash her home and I power washed the shed all by myself. When I was washing, I thought about rewarding myself with food for a hard morning's work. I focused my thoughts on where I would go, what I would eat and how much I'd enjoy it better than making a meal at home. As it turns out Pam wanted to take me out for lunch as a thank you. I had RED FLAGS.
First, I wasn't hungry. Those carbs loaded me up pretty full.
Second, I felt it was too much for me to handle. I was sore and tired but FOOD was more important than resting and taking care of myself.
Third, when I was at the restaurant, what I ordered did not taste good. It was very healthy (all dark greens, spinach and crab meat) but instead of ordering something else, I ATE SOMETHING THAT DID NOT TASTE GOOD!
What did I learn today?
First, don't eat all my carbs in the morning.
Second, honor my body above food unless my stomach is growling.
Third, don't eat food just because I don't want to hurt someones feelings. Feelings are not food.
Thank you for confronting me and for loving me into obedience. I'm determined to overcome this addiction like I did alcohol.
THIS IS SO MUCH HARDER BECAUSE I AM LETTING GO OF THE STRONGHOLD OF EATING MY FEELINGS. I HAVE BUILT INTO THIS RELATIONSHIP AND NOW IT'S TIME TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS. THE PEOPLE KIND.
Please help me, Lord.
I want to obey your ways.
I have tears today, missing Aaron.
Love Amy Kathleen
