Today I think about my labs. Sugars 166 and triglycerides way up. It's indeed a motivator to change what I'm eating. The problem is this: How do I eat all the good stuff and give up the bad stuff? A daunting question.
Giving up icky foods that poison my body is a lot like surrendering my sins to Jesus. I eat my emotions, I eat when I'm not hungry, I eat for companionship and I eat when I feel depressed. All identified; none of them helpful motivators to change. You'd think they would be but they're not.
I've had a steady unhealthy codependent relationship with food as far back as when I was a preteen. Eating cause there was nothing else to do, eating out of fear that dinner was going to be too long of a wait, eating becoming a part of relationships with others. Overeating - too long for it being no good for me.
So why is it so hard to love myself? When I was thin, wasn't I happy? Didn't I love the attention others paid to my body? What about the goodness and confidence I felt when I reached my goal weight? I need to remember those things. Things that "fed" me positive strokes.
I start tomorrow. I start to eat one meal at a time. I start walking. I start to believe in myself, again. I start becoming who God created my temple to look like. It will be difficult but it will never be impossible. Because, "With Christ, all things are possible."
