Dear Abba,
It's been a rough month to say the least. I don't remember much of May. I'm struggling to remember this past week. What I do remember is Kim's dad passing away after a long and arduous process. I pray you will give her peace; a peace beyond all understanding.
Abba, I'm weak and feeble minded. I went for a walk. My back hurt, my legs felt stiff and I was feeling depressed being outside. Like my home is the safest place to be and venturing out of my car then into fresh air is a mental fight. Why is it so difficult???
My house is a mess. I haven't the energy to clean. I'm keeping up with the cat boxes but I have stuff strewn about. My bedroom floor needs vacuuming, the bathroom needs a good rub down, the living room has cups and such gathered all around and the kitchen, well, actually the kitchen is fine.
I'm so sleepy. Is it the medication not being in balance? Is it the thought of moving to Tucson? Is it laziness? All I know is I love these little kittens at the sacrifice of throwing away a couple of these floor mats! Too much to get them clean. I think if I throw those away and do a quick vacuum I'll feel much better.
Abba, what about the air conditioner? Please guide me. Thank you for Jo and Tracy's gifts. I'm worried about the cost of the Cymbalta/Lorazepam, too. So much on my mind - a real need to be able to give it all to you. I keep repeating this sentence: "Amy, God has always met your needs. He's not going to stop now." Oh, I know this is true yet my spirit is so burdened. Lift these doubts and stomp out these fears, O God. For you are my refuge, my hiding place. It's in you that I dwell; it's you on whom I call. It's you I trust the most and you I hide from the most.
You have blessed me with healthy friendships with people who are not afraid of mental illness. I pray for Bonnie - that she will find the next best friend that's meant to walk with her in her journey. I thank you for the time she and I shared together. There will never be another Pokey. That much I'm sure of.
Please bless my small group, please guide Tina and Dale and Dante and Sid. Please speak clearly to Marie and bless her with unshakable energy that can only come from you. Please forgive my follies - they are too numerous to mention. You see into my heart how much I want to please you...to obey you. Create in me a clean heart, O Lord. I will worship you forever.
Be my light, my guide, my father, my all in all, the One on whom I rest my spirit. I love you so much, Abba. Please tell Aaron I said hi and I miss him very much.
Your loving daughter,
Amy Kathleen
