Dear Abba,
Today and most of the last two weeks I have been filled with fear. I'm not sure what brought this on but let me tell you it's very powerful and difficult to overcome.
I wanted to have brunch with Debra. She is such a dear person from my "childhood" in twelve step groups. She's the one you had hold me for such a long time. Last night I had a sweet dream about Carol. I woke up feeling loved and cared for. Now I feel a need to connect with Marie. I don't know what these women have in common. I know they are strong, single moms, devoted followers of yours. They have been angels in my life through time, talk and touch. My three love languages.
It's already July 7th. Where have the last 30 days gone? My mom had a birthday, I had a birthday, Annie had a birthday. I feel like I'm losing a battle I haven't suited up for - at least, not suited up to win.
I know this is a silly question but do you ever feel like you're a work in progress and the laborers are taking too long? That's how I feel. My weight is a curse against me. So are the mental illnesses I have and the physical limitations. I'm not doing well accepting any of those. Perhaps I'm not supposed to?
When I get feeling this way I experience a shift. Either a mood shift, a do shift or a don't shift. You are my strength and my shield, Lord. I never want to shift away from you.
Where do I go from here? Back to the real world which is a scary, unsafe place to be. I am covered in your armor only because you wrote it in the book of Ephesians. Otherwise I would have no hope of surviving.
Love,
Amy Kathleen
