Dear God,
Change certainly takes time. I'd just as well be adjusted quickly though I know it's not good. Too quick can be harmful.
I guess I want to do something different with my time. I enjoy watching the Olympics. I enjoy reading. I have the cardiology appointment later today. I pray my heart is okay and the abnormal ekg was a false positive.
Anyway, I feel flat.
Love your daughter,
Amy Kathleen
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Sunday...
Dear God,
This day is a little better than yesterday. I showered and Tracy was right...I do feel a little better. I'm sure my body appreciates it.
I'm watching the Olympics in London. Watched The Netherlands win the gold for Women's Cycling (87 miles), qualifying semifinals for swimming, archery where Korea beat Mexico for the bronze and Italy beat USA for the gold, women's basketball where the USA beat Croatia, sand volleyball where the USA Men beat Great Britian, women's soccer where Great Britain beat Cameroon and I think that's it. Gymnastics and more swimming are on today. I love watching these games. All of the athletes are so disciplined and inspiring.
I still feel down and honestly, not hungry. Maybe I should listen to my body??? I don't know. It's such an uphill battle and I am not disciplined enough to succeed. Or is that one of my many excuses? I don't know. I don't know.
Anyway, I'll be here. Probably reading, probably watching TV, probably staying inside. I don't want to socialize or anything like that. I didn't go to church.
Love your messed up daughter,
Amy Kathleen
This day is a little better than yesterday. I showered and Tracy was right...I do feel a little better. I'm sure my body appreciates it.
I'm watching the Olympics in London. Watched The Netherlands win the gold for Women's Cycling (87 miles), qualifying semifinals for swimming, archery where Korea beat Mexico for the bronze and Italy beat USA for the gold, women's basketball where the USA beat Croatia, sand volleyball where the USA Men beat Great Britian, women's soccer where Great Britain beat Cameroon and I think that's it. Gymnastics and more swimming are on today. I love watching these games. All of the athletes are so disciplined and inspiring.
I still feel down and honestly, not hungry. Maybe I should listen to my body??? I don't know. It's such an uphill battle and I am not disciplined enough to succeed. Or is that one of my many excuses? I don't know. I don't know.
Anyway, I'll be here. Probably reading, probably watching TV, probably staying inside. I don't want to socialize or anything like that. I didn't go to church.
Love your messed up daughter,
Amy Kathleen
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Getting Out
Dear God,
Today I feel fat and depressed. Kim suggested I go for a walk at the marina and spend time outdoors. It's a great idea and I'm going for it.
I feel sad not having Steve around. I don't regret my decision. I know in my heart it's the right one. I guess it will take time to heal. It was certainly eye opening.
Please help me obey your will for my fat body. I struggle so much with emotional eating or boredom. Let me hear your voice to read more or get out more. I worry about my gas tank but I think my internal gas tank needs some attention.
Please help me learn how to take good care of myself and my house. I don't want to be a sluggard who is at one with her couch. I need to get out more. Not necessarily socialize more but get out of the house more, by myself. No shopping all the time.
I love you and I think you for Kim!!
Your daughter,
Amy Kathleen
Today I feel fat and depressed. Kim suggested I go for a walk at the marina and spend time outdoors. It's a great idea and I'm going for it.
I feel sad not having Steve around. I don't regret my decision. I know in my heart it's the right one. I guess it will take time to heal. It was certainly eye opening.
Please help me obey your will for my fat body. I struggle so much with emotional eating or boredom. Let me hear your voice to read more or get out more. I worry about my gas tank but I think my internal gas tank needs some attention.
Please help me learn how to take good care of myself and my house. I don't want to be a sluggard who is at one with her couch. I need to get out more. Not necessarily socialize more but get out of the house more, by myself. No shopping all the time.
I love you and I think you for Kim!!
Your daughter,
Amy Kathleen
Monday, July 23, 2012
Saying Good-Bye
Dear God,
Well, I did it. I broke up with Steve late Saturday afternoon. I did it over the phone so I wouldn't get into a laundry list of what was wrong. The bottom line is he lied to me and he lied about me to his sister. He was quiet, no apology then the conversation abruptly ended. It was awkward.
When he messaged me on Facebook, I felt bad for him. He doesn't have a personal relationship with you so the idea of being alone scares and saddens him. His need to be with someone will never fill the hole in his heart. Only you can do that and my prayer is that he finds You soon.
Father, I grieve the loss of his good stuff. While I can't allow anyone to treat me like a subordinate or less than equal, I will miss his smile. Not much else, come to think of it. All I can think of is the negative.
So, I go about my day as best I can. He'll be here after work to pick up his things and bring mine. I guess that will be the end. The final good-bye.
I wish him well and place him into Your capable and trustworthy hands.
Your loving daughter,
Amy Kathleen
PS: Please forgive me for entering into a relationship with a non-believer. Now I understand why I need to be equally yolked. Prayer and apology mixed with character flaws and forgiveness go a long way. You will always be my first love. I'm not sure what the future holds but I would like to share my life with someone who loves all of me but loves you first.
Well, I did it. I broke up with Steve late Saturday afternoon. I did it over the phone so I wouldn't get into a laundry list of what was wrong. The bottom line is he lied to me and he lied about me to his sister. He was quiet, no apology then the conversation abruptly ended. It was awkward.
When he messaged me on Facebook, I felt bad for him. He doesn't have a personal relationship with you so the idea of being alone scares and saddens him. His need to be with someone will never fill the hole in his heart. Only you can do that and my prayer is that he finds You soon.
Father, I grieve the loss of his good stuff. While I can't allow anyone to treat me like a subordinate or less than equal, I will miss his smile. Not much else, come to think of it. All I can think of is the negative.
So, I go about my day as best I can. He'll be here after work to pick up his things and bring mine. I guess that will be the end. The final good-bye.
I wish him well and place him into Your capable and trustworthy hands.
Your loving daughter,
Amy Kathleen
PS: Please forgive me for entering into a relationship with a non-believer. Now I understand why I need to be equally yolked. Prayer and apology mixed with character flaws and forgiveness go a long way. You will always be my first love. I'm not sure what the future holds but I would like to share my life with someone who loves all of me but loves you first.
Friday, July 20, 2012
Going Home
Dear Father,
This is the day I return home from a wonderful time at Mom's. I am overjoyed as I head home to my kitties and a new found freedom by renewing my singleness. I don't know if you ever want me to be married or for that matter if I ever really want to be married but the prospect of someone else helping look after me is inviting.
Lord, I seek your face with all my heart. I seek your words with all my thoughts. I seek your mind with all my soul. I seek your strength with all my weakness.
Please grant us a good day as we pick up Samantha and head home. Please help me tender her precious heart with words of encouragement and love. I have a new found love and respect for her that I did not have before. She is one of those little people in my life who can teach me how to be a better person and friend.
I love you! I love my family and I love my dear friends. Please bless them with a day filled with your Holy Spirit and lots of joy and love.
I am totally and completely devoted to you!
Your loving daughter,
Amy Kathleen
This is the day I return home from a wonderful time at Mom's. I am overjoyed as I head home to my kitties and a new found freedom by renewing my singleness. I don't know if you ever want me to be married or for that matter if I ever really want to be married but the prospect of someone else helping look after me is inviting.
Lord, I seek your face with all my heart. I seek your words with all my thoughts. I seek your mind with all my soul. I seek your strength with all my weakness.
Please grant us a good day as we pick up Samantha and head home. Please help me tender her precious heart with words of encouragement and love. I have a new found love and respect for her that I did not have before. She is one of those little people in my life who can teach me how to be a better person and friend.
I love you! I love my family and I love my dear friends. Please bless them with a day filled with your Holy Spirit and lots of joy and love.
I am totally and completely devoted to you!
Your loving daughter,
Amy Kathleen
Thursday, July 19, 2012
A Day of Rest
Dear Father,
Another beautiful day in the Northwoods of Wisconsin. It's soft blue skies and fluffy clouds, gentle breeze with temps in the low 70's give me a sense of hope that fall is near. With each day passing, fall is one day nearer.
I feel much more settled in my decision about Steve. I can be firm but kind, truthtelling without vagrant hurtful tones. I feel set free emotionally. I feel so much more centered in You.
I want someone who, like Annie said, will join me in prayer and even pray over me. Someone who has money and plenty of it. I don't want to struggle financially anymore so I'm ready to make moves and changes toward that peace. I do need my brakes fixed and an estimate done on my car. I need another air conditioner but maybe that will happen at the end of the season. Only you know for sure.
These John Grisham books are wonderful! The Litigators and The Appeal have kept my interest and a great source of kicking back into another world. Reading The Story has opened my eyes into the love and generous mercy you display to us time after time. Your patience and desire to have us only love you is incredibly apparant. The courage you give us and the faith you have in our humanness is uncanny, unlike any other god. You are the One True God!!
With a full heart and a spirit ready to head home for some new changes,
Your loving daughter,
Amy Kathleen
Another beautiful day in the Northwoods of Wisconsin. It's soft blue skies and fluffy clouds, gentle breeze with temps in the low 70's give me a sense of hope that fall is near. With each day passing, fall is one day nearer.
I feel much more settled in my decision about Steve. I can be firm but kind, truthtelling without vagrant hurtful tones. I feel set free emotionally. I feel so much more centered in You.
I want someone who, like Annie said, will join me in prayer and even pray over me. Someone who has money and plenty of it. I don't want to struggle financially anymore so I'm ready to make moves and changes toward that peace. I do need my brakes fixed and an estimate done on my car. I need another air conditioner but maybe that will happen at the end of the season. Only you know for sure.
These John Grisham books are wonderful! The Litigators and The Appeal have kept my interest and a great source of kicking back into another world. Reading The Story has opened my eyes into the love and generous mercy you display to us time after time. Your patience and desire to have us only love you is incredibly apparant. The courage you give us and the faith you have in our humanness is uncanny, unlike any other god. You are the One True God!!
With a full heart and a spirit ready to head home for some new changes,
Your loving daughter,
Amy Kathleen
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Still Chatting
Dear Father,
My mind continues to chatter about Steve. I don't understand why this is so consuming. I want to enjoy my time up here because I don't know when I'll be back.
I pray you will open his eyes to see how much he needs you. I pray you will cause the circumstances in his life to draw him to you. I pray he will see his sin and want to repent. I pray he choses to accept Jesus payment for his sin and begin a new life as a new creation in you.
I can't help him. He is your child, not mine. Please help me to let go and let you do your good work.
Love Amy Kathleen
My mind continues to chatter about Steve. I don't understand why this is so consuming. I want to enjoy my time up here because I don't know when I'll be back.
I pray you will open his eyes to see how much he needs you. I pray you will cause the circumstances in his life to draw him to you. I pray he will see his sin and want to repent. I pray he choses to accept Jesus payment for his sin and begin a new life as a new creation in you.
I can't help him. He is your child, not mine. Please help me to let go and let you do your good work.
Love Amy Kathleen
Monday, July 16, 2012
Not Sure
Dear God,
I just read Steve's email and it bothers me. I'm not happy and I'm not going through a lot of issues like he thinks. My life is what it is and I accept it with all the challenges. It's something I've come to accept.
Do I "break up" in email? It seems kinda silly but maybe it can be that easy. I mean we really aren't dating. I don't know what it is but I do know I don't like it. It's a friendship, not a dating relationship. That's the truth and that's another thing I need to say.
I'm sad he doesn't want more but to be honest I'm sure it wouldn't work. Maybe it's a blessing that this is coming out now before things get too weird. A relationship takes work and h e's not willing to do the work. He doesn't want to do any work.
So, I let him go. I wish him well and I dont' have any regrets. Maybe you'll provide someone who will be a better friend and companion. Maybe I'll stay single. I don't know.
Anyway, please help me communicate with him the way You want me to. I don't want to complicate it and I certainly don't want to travel a road that's unnecesssary.
Your loving daughter,
Amy Kathleen
I just read Steve's email and it bothers me. I'm not happy and I'm not going through a lot of issues like he thinks. My life is what it is and I accept it with all the challenges. It's something I've come to accept.
Do I "break up" in email? It seems kinda silly but maybe it can be that easy. I mean we really aren't dating. I don't know what it is but I do know I don't like it. It's a friendship, not a dating relationship. That's the truth and that's another thing I need to say.
I'm sad he doesn't want more but to be honest I'm sure it wouldn't work. Maybe it's a blessing that this is coming out now before things get too weird. A relationship takes work and h e's not willing to do the work. He doesn't want to do any work.
So, I let him go. I wish him well and I dont' have any regrets. Maybe you'll provide someone who will be a better friend and companion. Maybe I'll stay single. I don't know.
Anyway, please help me communicate with him the way You want me to. I don't want to complicate it and I certainly don't want to travel a road that's unnecesssary.
Your loving daughter,
Amy Kathleen
Sunday, July 15, 2012
God's Day
Dear Father,
As you already know, I'm starting this day with pain. My back and lower abdominal region are cramping. I'm so glad I'm not having charlie horses in my back. Those hurt.
You're teaching me how to handle the situation with Steve. The bottom line is I can't stand his lying. He lies all the time. The one lie that directly effected me is the promise to pay for my entire birthday movie but he reneged. He'll say he offered to pay if I "needed" him to but truth is he didn't want to. I want him to want to but I have no control over his decisions.
How do you tell a non-believer that the character trait of lying is the deal breaker? The reason I can't have him in my life is because I have no one in my life who lies. No one. There are so many other reasons: He doesn't hold my hand, he constantly walks in front of me sometimes at quite a distance, he doesn't hold doors open for me to go through first, etc. I'm not treated like someone he respects or someone he loves. I've made the mistake of helping him with his envelopes to the point where he didn't even sit with me when I was doing them but played on the internet. That was aggravating. Then the question, "Do I have enough money to go to Taco Bell?" That's not my decision. Telling Jodi he spent $120 on my birthday which was the biggest lie that directly involved me. I was so shocked I couldn't respond. Now I respond.
I respond with dignity and self-respect. I don't want to call him in the morning to wake him up for work, I don't want to shave his back and other parts, I don't want to help him really with much of anything because he doesn't show appreciation. He says I help him but it's not really helping. It's enabling. He can write out his own envelopes, fill out his own forms, be responsible for his own life without involving me. I can let all of this go and more. I can let him go.
My mom said Jesus is the only one who can help us with character flaws. He's the only one, when we fully submit to being transformed into His image, who can remove those traits like lying. He's the only one who can do it - we can't do it on our own. Steve doesn't have Jesus. He doesn't want Him in his life. His comment about never going to my church might have been said to test my reaction to which I replied, "I don't care." It's his relationship with God, not mine.
I want someone who wants to live a Christ filled life. One who is not self-centered but others centered. One who is not selfish but giving to those in need. One who sees and loves people as God sees them, treats them with the respect they deserve not like a bother or people who are in his way of accomplishing something as silly as food shopping. One who loves the sound of children's laughter and chatter even if it's during a movie. People are not a bother - they are a reflection of God. In all ways, created in His image. Love. It's all about a deeper kind of love.
Lord, you are my All in All. You are the one I want to please the most. You are the one I want to serve first. You are my first love, my only real true love. Please help me as I make this difficult choice for which there will be much joy on the other side.
Your loving daughter,
Amy Kathleen
As you already know, I'm starting this day with pain. My back and lower abdominal region are cramping. I'm so glad I'm not having charlie horses in my back. Those hurt.
You're teaching me how to handle the situation with Steve. The bottom line is I can't stand his lying. He lies all the time. The one lie that directly effected me is the promise to pay for my entire birthday movie but he reneged. He'll say he offered to pay if I "needed" him to but truth is he didn't want to. I want him to want to but I have no control over his decisions.
How do you tell a non-believer that the character trait of lying is the deal breaker? The reason I can't have him in my life is because I have no one in my life who lies. No one. There are so many other reasons: He doesn't hold my hand, he constantly walks in front of me sometimes at quite a distance, he doesn't hold doors open for me to go through first, etc. I'm not treated like someone he respects or someone he loves. I've made the mistake of helping him with his envelopes to the point where he didn't even sit with me when I was doing them but played on the internet. That was aggravating. Then the question, "Do I have enough money to go to Taco Bell?" That's not my decision. Telling Jodi he spent $120 on my birthday which was the biggest lie that directly involved me. I was so shocked I couldn't respond. Now I respond.
I respond with dignity and self-respect. I don't want to call him in the morning to wake him up for work, I don't want to shave his back and other parts, I don't want to help him really with much of anything because he doesn't show appreciation. He says I help him but it's not really helping. It's enabling. He can write out his own envelopes, fill out his own forms, be responsible for his own life without involving me. I can let all of this go and more. I can let him go.
My mom said Jesus is the only one who can help us with character flaws. He's the only one, when we fully submit to being transformed into His image, who can remove those traits like lying. He's the only one who can do it - we can't do it on our own. Steve doesn't have Jesus. He doesn't want Him in his life. His comment about never going to my church might have been said to test my reaction to which I replied, "I don't care." It's his relationship with God, not mine.
I want someone who wants to live a Christ filled life. One who is not self-centered but others centered. One who is not selfish but giving to those in need. One who sees and loves people as God sees them, treats them with the respect they deserve not like a bother or people who are in his way of accomplishing something as silly as food shopping. One who loves the sound of children's laughter and chatter even if it's during a movie. People are not a bother - they are a reflection of God. In all ways, created in His image. Love. It's all about a deeper kind of love.
Lord, you are my All in All. You are the one I want to please the most. You are the one I want to serve first. You are my first love, my only real true love. Please help me as I make this difficult choice for which there will be much joy on the other side.
Your loving daughter,
Amy Kathleen
Saturday, July 14, 2012
It's Saturday
Dear God,
I'm feeling some pain this morning on the right side. I hope I'm not passing another kidney stone, that it's back pain from rolling around in my sleep. Please give me wisdom about how to manage the pain.
Thank you for the beautiful dream with Sheryl. I pray her life is a restful one, without a lot of upset emotions or physical pain. I know she struggles when she doesn't have her quite times with you. Please grant her peace filled days with abundant grace. I also pray her life verse for her: "I pray that your love will grow more and more. And let it be based on knowledge and understanding. Then you will be able to know what is best. You will be pure and without blame until the day Christ returns."
Lord, the book Jo recommended is a little too heavy. The wording is too descriptive with too many visual references. But I'm beginning to get the message. Thankfulness. With grace. Sprinkled with joy. I have a feeling, "One Thousand Gifts" is going to be a list of things I'm thankful for. I'll press on until the end. And thank Jo for the recommendation.
I'm still praying about Steve. I'm not confused about what to do but more about how to do it. I'll be listening for your whisper. And leaning heavily into you. I've been asking myself, "If I was talking to Sheryl, how would she counsel me?" I can hear her voice and her words of wisdom.
Well, gotta scoot for now, Father. Please give us a great day and bless Hopie on her birthday.
Love your daughter,
Amy Kathleen
i
I'm feeling some pain this morning on the right side. I hope I'm not passing another kidney stone, that it's back pain from rolling around in my sleep. Please give me wisdom about how to manage the pain.
Thank you for the beautiful dream with Sheryl. I pray her life is a restful one, without a lot of upset emotions or physical pain. I know she struggles when she doesn't have her quite times with you. Please grant her peace filled days with abundant grace. I also pray her life verse for her: "I pray that your love will grow more and more. And let it be based on knowledge and understanding. Then you will be able to know what is best. You will be pure and without blame until the day Christ returns."
Lord, the book Jo recommended is a little too heavy. The wording is too descriptive with too many visual references. But I'm beginning to get the message. Thankfulness. With grace. Sprinkled with joy. I have a feeling, "One Thousand Gifts" is going to be a list of things I'm thankful for. I'll press on until the end. And thank Jo for the recommendation.
I'm still praying about Steve. I'm not confused about what to do but more about how to do it. I'll be listening for your whisper. And leaning heavily into you. I've been asking myself, "If I was talking to Sheryl, how would she counsel me?" I can hear her voice and her words of wisdom.
Well, gotta scoot for now, Father. Please give us a great day and bless Hopie on her birthday.
Love your daughter,
Amy Kathleen
i
Friday, July 13, 2012
Processing
Dear Father,
I think you are making clear what I have to say to Steve. He used my birthday as an excuse for a withdrawl of $120 to his sister. Made me sick and incredibly angry. He used me.
It makes me sick. I'm done.
Please relieve these cramps and help me to have a good day. I really enjoy being up here. It's so beautiful. Help me let go of the crap so it doesn't ruin this vacation. I miss my babies.
Love Amy Kathleen
I think you are making clear what I have to say to Steve. He used my birthday as an excuse for a withdrawl of $120 to his sister. Made me sick and incredibly angry. He used me.
It makes me sick. I'm done.
Please relieve these cramps and help me to have a good day. I really enjoy being up here. It's so beautiful. Help me let go of the crap so it doesn't ruin this vacation. I miss my babies.
Love Amy Kathleen
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Starting Vacation
Dear Father,
Oh the joy of getting away from daily life. I'm feeling sad about leaving my kitties. I know I'll miss them very much. You'd think I'd be happy going up to my mom's but I'm just not feeling it.
Once we get going I'm sure that will change. The getting ready part is where I'm struggling. I pray you will help me make the right choices today. Please surprise me in a good way for the cost of the prescriptions. I forgot to factor that into my monthly expenses.
Well, gotta run.
I love you and ask you to bless this time with wisdom, fun and loads of laughter.
Your daughter,
Amy Kathleen
Oh the joy of getting away from daily life. I'm feeling sad about leaving my kitties. I know I'll miss them very much. You'd think I'd be happy going up to my mom's but I'm just not feeling it.
Once we get going I'm sure that will change. The getting ready part is where I'm struggling. I pray you will help me make the right choices today. Please surprise me in a good way for the cost of the prescriptions. I forgot to factor that into my monthly expenses.
Well, gotta run.
I love you and ask you to bless this time with wisdom, fun and loads of laughter.
Your daughter,
Amy Kathleen
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Wanting to Hide
Dear Father,
I'm a little anxious about heading up to my mom's. I haven't been on vacation in such a long time that I've forgotten how good it will feel to get away for awhile. I know we'll have fun - we always do.
I need your help and your strength. I am weak when it comes to wanting something but not always being smart about it. I want a new camera for the kids school activities, memory foam for my mattress, and my brakes fixed. I know I have to steward all of Jo's money toward my bills for this month. Next month will be a better gauge and maybe I can put some $ into savings? I really want to.
My spirit is downcast. I want to clean my house but I'm sweaty. I want to clean my floor but don't have the money for the Swiffer stuff. I need to learn how to be okay in not having what I want. It's very very hard.
Lord, I ask that my time with the girls be blessed with fun and laughter. Help us to spend some nice time together playing games, maybe go for a walk or something else fun. I love my time with them. Please help Ryan and I plan for a meal together. I miss my time with him.
Please bless my mom and I, too. Please help Pam while I'm gone. I'd like to call her most everyday just like at home. Please let this be a time for Steve to realize whether or not I'm a convenience or someone he really treasures. I'll need some guidance in this area, too.
I love you and thanks again for Jo's abundance.
Your daughter,
Amy Kathleen
I'm a little anxious about heading up to my mom's. I haven't been on vacation in such a long time that I've forgotten how good it will feel to get away for awhile. I know we'll have fun - we always do.
I need your help and your strength. I am weak when it comes to wanting something but not always being smart about it. I want a new camera for the kids school activities, memory foam for my mattress, and my brakes fixed. I know I have to steward all of Jo's money toward my bills for this month. Next month will be a better gauge and maybe I can put some $ into savings? I really want to.
My spirit is downcast. I want to clean my house but I'm sweaty. I want to clean my floor but don't have the money for the Swiffer stuff. I need to learn how to be okay in not having what I want. It's very very hard.
Lord, I ask that my time with the girls be blessed with fun and laughter. Help us to spend some nice time together playing games, maybe go for a walk or something else fun. I love my time with them. Please help Ryan and I plan for a meal together. I miss my time with him.
Please bless my mom and I, too. Please help Pam while I'm gone. I'd like to call her most everyday just like at home. Please let this be a time for Steve to realize whether or not I'm a convenience or someone he really treasures. I'll need some guidance in this area, too.
I love you and thanks again for Jo's abundance.
Your daughter,
Amy Kathleen
Monday, July 9, 2012
Contemplating
Dear Father,
So many thoughts are on my mind this morning. Serving in Annie's ministry hoping it will turn into a paid position; wondering if I should stay with Steven or let him go; contacting the Good Sense ministry to help me manage your money better; slimming down so I feel better and healthier; and making sure I can afford to get my brakes fixed before I do more damage to them. Concerns of my heart.
I know you will work all things out for good, Your Good. I pray I am able to listen attentively and obey your leadings. Whispers are hard to hear in a mind filled with TV and other preoccupations. I am shutting off the TV for the next couple of days trying to get to a place of focus. There are more things I can do with my time than vege. I'm eager to learn those things and carry them out to completion.
Preparing for a vacation up at my Mom's is enough to do. Getting my house ready and the cats ready will take some time and be joyful in the process. Making sure Pam has all the supplies she needs is also important. Planning for the unexpected like high temps is important, too. Helping her by making it as easy as possible is the least I can do.
Lord, you are my All in All. I love you with all my heart, mind, soul and strength. Please bless and protect those I love. My family and friends are treasured gifts from You. I love them very much.
Your daughter,
Amy Kathleen
So many thoughts are on my mind this morning. Serving in Annie's ministry hoping it will turn into a paid position; wondering if I should stay with Steven or let him go; contacting the Good Sense ministry to help me manage your money better; slimming down so I feel better and healthier; and making sure I can afford to get my brakes fixed before I do more damage to them. Concerns of my heart.
I know you will work all things out for good, Your Good. I pray I am able to listen attentively and obey your leadings. Whispers are hard to hear in a mind filled with TV and other preoccupations. I am shutting off the TV for the next couple of days trying to get to a place of focus. There are more things I can do with my time than vege. I'm eager to learn those things and carry them out to completion.
Preparing for a vacation up at my Mom's is enough to do. Getting my house ready and the cats ready will take some time and be joyful in the process. Making sure Pam has all the supplies she needs is also important. Planning for the unexpected like high temps is important, too. Helping her by making it as easy as possible is the least I can do.
Lord, you are my All in All. I love you with all my heart, mind, soul and strength. Please bless and protect those I love. My family and friends are treasured gifts from You. I love them very much.
Your daughter,
Amy Kathleen
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Money
Dear God,
I'm sitting here feeling bad about Steven not wanting to pay for the movie last night. I understand the popcorn and drinks were a sticker shock but why am I not worth the extra $14? He can spend $40 on lenses for his sunglasses then more money for a new case but spending $33 for a date is too much? Ouch.
We have very different views on money. I enjoy giving to people when I can, buying them things or paying for entertainment. He on the other hand is very focused on himself. I pray you will help me to deal with this in the future by either mentioning it to him or deciding to pay for myself.
I think he wants to do the right thing. I know he has a good heart. I just wish he'd have more of a desire to provide for me rather than provide for himself.
I love you, Lord, and I know you will work all this out for good.
Your daughter,
Amy Kathleen
I'm sitting here feeling bad about Steven not wanting to pay for the movie last night. I understand the popcorn and drinks were a sticker shock but why am I not worth the extra $14? He can spend $40 on lenses for his sunglasses then more money for a new case but spending $33 for a date is too much? Ouch.
We have very different views on money. I enjoy giving to people when I can, buying them things or paying for entertainment. He on the other hand is very focused on himself. I pray you will help me to deal with this in the future by either mentioning it to him or deciding to pay for myself.
I think he wants to do the right thing. I know he has a good heart. I just wish he'd have more of a desire to provide for me rather than provide for himself.
I love you, Lord, and I know you will work all this out for good.
Your daughter,
Amy Kathleen
Friday, July 6, 2012
Survival
Dear Father,
I woke up overwhelmed by the thought of another day. Nothing to do, really, except watch TV and rest. I know I can read and do other things around the house but sometimes my brain is not engaged.
I'm washing a load of laundry before the temp reaches 103 (again for the 3rd day). I'm trying to stay ahead of the weather. I'll be driving out to the theater to pick up tickets for Steven and I tonight. Spiderman here we come.
I'm not as worried about my finances. I sent an email to Jo and that relieved it. I know you have plans for me so I have to be patient and wait upon you.
I will do my best.
Love your daughter,
Amy Kathleen
I woke up overwhelmed by the thought of another day. Nothing to do, really, except watch TV and rest. I know I can read and do other things around the house but sometimes my brain is not engaged.
I'm washing a load of laundry before the temp reaches 103 (again for the 3rd day). I'm trying to stay ahead of the weather. I'll be driving out to the theater to pick up tickets for Steven and I tonight. Spiderman here we come.
I'm not as worried about my finances. I sent an email to Jo and that relieved it. I know you have plans for me so I have to be patient and wait upon you.
I will do my best.
Love your daughter,
Amy Kathleen
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Worry
Dear God,
Worry is what I'm feeling as I look at my financial condition. I'm in need of about $600 to get caught up. I'll also need funds for my brakes. Then I can start August with a clean slate. Will you please provide these for me?
When I worry I feel powerless, unable, disabled, stuck, trapped, in bondage, helpless, hopeless and alone. I am none of these.
Powerless into Powerful: I have the innate ability to budget God's money wisely and to tithe.
Unable into Able: I have the courage to ask for help when help is needed.
Disabled into Acceptance: Working is not the answer right now.
Stuck into Movement: Each day I learn new ways to improve.
Trapped into Freedom: I can live in financial freedom no matter how much God gives me.
In Bondage into Victory: I have victory over all things because Christ lived and died for me.
Helpless into Resourceful: I have people who are able to give time, treasure and friendship.
Hopeless into Hope: I put all my hope into Jesus Christ who gives me strength.
Alone into Trinity: I am never alone in anything I do, need or desire.
Worry is letting something or someone take up rent free space in my head. Why give up that precious space to something I have little to no control over? Give it to God and let Him have the glory in providing for my every need, whether I cause it by mistakes or it's by circumstance.
I love you, Father.
Your daughter who is a mess,
Amy Kathleen
Worry is what I'm feeling as I look at my financial condition. I'm in need of about $600 to get caught up. I'll also need funds for my brakes. Then I can start August with a clean slate. Will you please provide these for me?
When I worry I feel powerless, unable, disabled, stuck, trapped, in bondage, helpless, hopeless and alone. I am none of these.
Powerless into Powerful: I have the innate ability to budget God's money wisely and to tithe.
Unable into Able: I have the courage to ask for help when help is needed.
Disabled into Acceptance: Working is not the answer right now.
Stuck into Movement: Each day I learn new ways to improve.
Trapped into Freedom: I can live in financial freedom no matter how much God gives me.
In Bondage into Victory: I have victory over all things because Christ lived and died for me.
Helpless into Resourceful: I have people who are able to give time, treasure and friendship.
Hopeless into Hope: I put all my hope into Jesus Christ who gives me strength.
Alone into Trinity: I am never alone in anything I do, need or desire.
Worry is letting something or someone take up rent free space in my head. Why give up that precious space to something I have little to no control over? Give it to God and let Him have the glory in providing for my every need, whether I cause it by mistakes or it's by circumstance.
I love you, Father.
Your daughter who is a mess,
Amy Kathleen
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Jesus Heals
Dear Father,
Oh the pain of a full blown migraine really hurts. I'm such a pharmaceutical mess. I should have taken the Maxalt yesterday but didn't want to "waste" it. Instead, I found myself in an incredibly painful situation that only Jesus could heal. Not that I regret having to ask but I do feel like a fool for not medicating myself earlier.
Lord, why is pain management so hard for me? Why don't I take the meds I have? Right now it's because I don't have the funds to pay for them. How in the world did I forget the American Family payments? I have to make a call so when I receive Jo's support the payment can go through. I don't know. I'm a real mess.
Lord, help me as much as I need it. Which I think is more than I can handle. I'm going to send out an email message. It's hard to admit defeat and failure. I know I can do this. I just can't catch up. Can you please open the resources of heaven and send what I need? I'm at a loss and can't catch up.
Maybe I shouldn't send an email.
Love your daughter,
Amy Kathleen
Oh the pain of a full blown migraine really hurts. I'm such a pharmaceutical mess. I should have taken the Maxalt yesterday but didn't want to "waste" it. Instead, I found myself in an incredibly painful situation that only Jesus could heal. Not that I regret having to ask but I do feel like a fool for not medicating myself earlier.
Lord, why is pain management so hard for me? Why don't I take the meds I have? Right now it's because I don't have the funds to pay for them. How in the world did I forget the American Family payments? I have to make a call so when I receive Jo's support the payment can go through. I don't know. I'm a real mess.
Lord, help me as much as I need it. Which I think is more than I can handle. I'm going to send out an email message. It's hard to admit defeat and failure. I know I can do this. I just can't catch up. Can you please open the resources of heaven and send what I need? I'm at a loss and can't catch up.
Maybe I shouldn't send an email.
Love your daughter,
Amy Kathleen
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Too Much Death
June 26, 2012...Mario passed away after a long battle with brain cancer
June 28, 2012...Email from Soni about her sister Pam having 80% pancreatic cancer
July 1, 2012...Joyce Ryan's daughter Diane died from brain cancer this morning
Surrounded by pain. And Justin, Alicia's kitty, died.
Heavy hearted.
Want to isolate.
Keeping inside.
Don't want to talk to Steve.
Would rather curl up and fade out.
Stop feeling, stop all sadness, stop all pain.
For everyone.
Chelsa, Neena, Nadia, Ana, Melissa, Tracy, Bill, Soni, Pam, Shel, Bud, their Mom, Tom, Joyce, Ashley, her family. Alicia, Samantha, Hope. Kim, Tracy, Diana, Steve, Pam, Shawnda, Dale, Joe, Jon, Tina, Ryan, Hope, Samantha, Alicia, me, Tracy, Mom, Carol, Alex.
Death hurts so many people and nothing I do or say can ever take away the pain of the loss.
Nothing.
I am completely powerless.
June 28, 2012...Email from Soni about her sister Pam having 80% pancreatic cancer
July 1, 2012...Joyce Ryan's daughter Diane died from brain cancer this morning
Surrounded by pain. And Justin, Alicia's kitty, died.
Heavy hearted.
Want to isolate.
Keeping inside.
Don't want to talk to Steve.
Would rather curl up and fade out.
Stop feeling, stop all sadness, stop all pain.
For everyone.
Chelsa, Neena, Nadia, Ana, Melissa, Tracy, Bill, Soni, Pam, Shel, Bud, their Mom, Tom, Joyce, Ashley, her family. Alicia, Samantha, Hope. Kim, Tracy, Diana, Steve, Pam, Shawnda, Dale, Joe, Jon, Tina, Ryan, Hope, Samantha, Alicia, me, Tracy, Mom, Carol, Alex.
Death hurts so many people and nothing I do or say can ever take away the pain of the loss.
Nothing.
I am completely powerless.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)