Dear God,
For the past week I've been convicted of my food addiction and actually identified it as a food addiction. I can feel all the sexual abuse feelings beginning to resurface. They seem as painful today as they were with Carol.
Thank you for the gifts of Marie and my new therapist, Faith. Meeting with them two days in a row has surfaced the sadness and lots of tears. I know you have me in the palm of your hand. I know I will survive this next step in healing. I know you'll be with me all the way.
Lord, I'm going to need Faith to pray over me when our sessions are finished. I depended on that from Carol. Even though there were times I felt uncomfortable I believe her tenderness reached your ears and her wisdom gave me encouragement. Just hearing her voice comforted me. I shall ask for it.
My food history was very hard to write. I edited it today, adding some memories and feelings I'd remembered. Shame seems to be my primary feeling along with sad and scared. I'm very tired and want to sleep well. I know the sexual abuse and physical abuse cause sleepless restless nights and early mornings. I pray you'll give me the strength I need to get through each day without overeating, cutting or drinking. I never want to do these things that are so destructive to my body ever again.
Lord, I drempt of Kelly. I so wish and hope and pray that her relationship with you hasn't suffered since Rob's death. This weekend will be the anniversary of his death and the anniversary of their marriage. Is she okay? I still love her so much but I know there's nothing I can do but pray your comfort and healing for her broken heart. I can't imagine the pain she went through nor what she is now going through. Only you can see her. Please continue calling her name until she meets your Son in a personal relationship. Only through Him can she have everlasting love.
Please give Marie the desires of her heart. The next job, the next vacation, the next car, the next blessings. She is a faithful servant, Mom and friend. Bless her with the last part of her weight loss. She has come a long way and I'm so excited for her!
Please help me through all this emotional stuff. I know it's not baggage - it's history. Or rather, my-story. Never let me forget where I came from but always impress upon me forgiveness toward those who hurt me deeply.
Love your daughter,
Amy Kathleen
