Dear Abba,
It's been a rough month to say the least. I don't remember much of May. I'm struggling to remember this past week. What I do remember is Kim's dad passing away after a long and arduous process. I pray you will give her peace; a peace beyond all understanding.
Abba, I'm weak and feeble minded. I went for a walk. My back hurt, my legs felt stiff and I was feeling depressed being outside. Like my home is the safest place to be and venturing out of my car then into fresh air is a mental fight. Why is it so difficult???
My house is a mess. I haven't the energy to clean. I'm keeping up with the cat boxes but I have stuff strewn about. My bedroom floor needs vacuuming, the bathroom needs a good rub down, the living room has cups and such gathered all around and the kitchen, well, actually the kitchen is fine.
I'm so sleepy. Is it the medication not being in balance? Is it the thought of moving to Tucson? Is it laziness? All I know is I love these little kittens at the sacrifice of throwing away a couple of these floor mats! Too much to get them clean. I think if I throw those away and do a quick vacuum I'll feel much better.
Abba, what about the air conditioner? Please guide me. Thank you for Jo and Tracy's gifts. I'm worried about the cost of the Cymbalta/Lorazepam, too. So much on my mind - a real need to be able to give it all to you. I keep repeating this sentence: "Amy, God has always met your needs. He's not going to stop now." Oh, I know this is true yet my spirit is so burdened. Lift these doubts and stomp out these fears, O God. For you are my refuge, my hiding place. It's in you that I dwell; it's you on whom I call. It's you I trust the most and you I hide from the most.
You have blessed me with healthy friendships with people who are not afraid of mental illness. I pray for Bonnie - that she will find the next best friend that's meant to walk with her in her journey. I thank you for the time she and I shared together. There will never be another Pokey. That much I'm sure of.
Please bless my small group, please guide Tina and Dale and Dante and Sid. Please speak clearly to Marie and bless her with unshakable energy that can only come from you. Please forgive my follies - they are too numerous to mention. You see into my heart how much I want to please you...to obey you. Create in me a clean heart, O Lord. I will worship you forever.
Be my light, my guide, my father, my all in all, the One on whom I rest my spirit. I love you so much, Abba. Please tell Aaron I said hi and I miss him very much.
Your loving daughter,
Amy Kathleen
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Last Day of May
Dear Abba,
My heart hurts for the loss of Mitch. I guess I should know by the loss of Smudge that you would allow the death of both kitties to pass through your hands. I admit I have too many kitties but I don't wish them harm. Please comfort my heart.
I am at a loss for words if you can believe it. I'm so hot. Time for a long shower. I feel sad. I'm so tired.
Time for a shower.
Time to reflect.
Time to clean the bathroom.
Love Amy
My heart hurts for the loss of Mitch. I guess I should know by the loss of Smudge that you would allow the death of both kitties to pass through your hands. I admit I have too many kitties but I don't wish them harm. Please comfort my heart.
I am at a loss for words if you can believe it. I'm so hot. Time for a long shower. I feel sad. I'm so tired.
Time for a shower.
Time to reflect.
Time to clean the bathroom.
Love Amy
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Feeling Down
Dear God,
I feel down today. Kinda blah. Lower body seizures have me concerned. I don't want to work today. I'll work tomorrow.
Want to get ready for the girls visit. Tired and down.
Cloudy day...rainy day...no energy day.
Going back to bed to watch Law & Order SVU.
Then talk with Kelly.
Then take the day off.
Work will be better tomorrow.
Lots to do today.
Please walk by my side so I don't stumble along your path of grace.
Love Amy Kathleen
I feel down today. Kinda blah. Lower body seizures have me concerned. I don't want to work today. I'll work tomorrow.
Want to get ready for the girls visit. Tired and down.
Cloudy day...rainy day...no energy day.
Going back to bed to watch Law & Order SVU.
Then talk with Kelly.
Then take the day off.
Work will be better tomorrow.
Lots to do today.
Please walk by my side so I don't stumble along your path of grace.
Love Amy Kathleen
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Yesterday
Aaron's funeral was one year from yesterday, April 19th. I see him layed out in the casket, black shirt, black pants, very handsome even though it was his corpse. My angel pin and cross pin were on his lapels. Many put personal things on him and around him. The flowers were to beautiful.
Neena hung onto my arm and cried when the funeral started. My friend Paula drove down from Milwaukee to be there with me. I hugged so many teenagers who were crying. Tracy and I stood with Tina and Dale, supporting them as best we could. My mom drove down, Ryan and Hope's dad (Tony) drove out from the city to be at the funeral, Mom's friends came to comfort her, Tracy's husband and step-daughters arrived to grieve their loss. 550 people packed into this little room listened to the funeral and paid their final respects. No room to park, no room to sit, no doubt Aaron was very loved.
Hope had a very hard time. She hid behind a chair in the back of the room for a long time. Tina tried getting her to come out; so did Tracy. They turned to me and said, "She'll listen to you." I asked her what was wrong. She said she wanted to be alone with Aaron to say good-bye. Fortunately everyone was gone except for the people at the funeral home. I asked if she and I could be left alone so Hope could say good-bye to her brother. Once we were alone, she stepped onto the stool and looked in.
She asked if she could touch him. I told her yes then showed her how he was still soft in areas on his face. We played with his ear lobe, pressed down on his hands and sat looking at him for a long time.
She asked if she could put a rose in his casket. I asked her what color. We went to the flowers and we each picked one out. We placed them next to Aaron then slowly said good-bye.
God has given Hope a special connection with me. She's called several times during the night crying because she feels so sad about losing Aaron. I talk to her, listen to her, and sometimes drive out to her house for a hug. It's so sad. It reminds me of my own grief and how I'm handling it.
Only God can mend a broken heart.
I pray healing for all of us who lost a beloved family member.
Amy
Neena hung onto my arm and cried when the funeral started. My friend Paula drove down from Milwaukee to be there with me. I hugged so many teenagers who were crying. Tracy and I stood with Tina and Dale, supporting them as best we could. My mom drove down, Ryan and Hope's dad (Tony) drove out from the city to be at the funeral, Mom's friends came to comfort her, Tracy's husband and step-daughters arrived to grieve their loss. 550 people packed into this little room listened to the funeral and paid their final respects. No room to park, no room to sit, no doubt Aaron was very loved.
Hope had a very hard time. She hid behind a chair in the back of the room for a long time. Tina tried getting her to come out; so did Tracy. They turned to me and said, "She'll listen to you." I asked her what was wrong. She said she wanted to be alone with Aaron to say good-bye. Fortunately everyone was gone except for the people at the funeral home. I asked if she and I could be left alone so Hope could say good-bye to her brother. Once we were alone, she stepped onto the stool and looked in.
She asked if she could touch him. I told her yes then showed her how he was still soft in areas on his face. We played with his ear lobe, pressed down on his hands and sat looking at him for a long time.
She asked if she could put a rose in his casket. I asked her what color. We went to the flowers and we each picked one out. We placed them next to Aaron then slowly said good-bye.
God has given Hope a special connection with me. She's called several times during the night crying because she feels so sad about losing Aaron. I talk to her, listen to her, and sometimes drive out to her house for a hug. It's so sad. It reminds me of my own grief and how I'm handling it.
Only God can mend a broken heart.
I pray healing for all of us who lost a beloved family member.
Amy
Monday, April 18, 2011
I Keep Looking...
Dear God,
I keep looking for Aaron but I can't find him. All I find are photos I've seen so many times. His Facebook page doesn't show any status updates posted by him. I feel empty and lost.
Will the pain ever go away? Is it possible to heal from so much loss? It's as though I've been wandering for the past year. A desert with no water; the sun scorching my skin. My heart is bleeding feelings I don't understand.
My heart bleeds. My inner being aches. My mind is a map leading nowhere. My body ingests itself. My brain is useless. My thoughts are inflicting self-harm. I catch myself before it becomes a reality.
I imagine the police knocking at my door. I imagine myself unable to open the door. I imagine being taken to the hospital. I imagine it like it was yesterday.
I wander around my house.
I'm trapped.
There's no way out of this pain.
I isolate.
I pull away from everyone. I hide deep inside my shell. Food will not kill the pain. Nothing will. I'm a ghost in a world filled with death. I'm haunted by images from the past. No one can see me. I am transparent - invisible to everyone but myself. I cut away the fat. I drown out the sorrow. I hide beneath the shame and guilt. I'm a secret to myself.
I do not commit suicide. That puts more pain on others than the temporary pain I am feeling. Dr. Wagner says, "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." Sometimes it's relieving to think about. Sometimes idealizing it is dangerous. I need to stay away from it today.
I feel too much pain.
.
I keep looking for Aaron but I can't find him. All I find are photos I've seen so many times. His Facebook page doesn't show any status updates posted by him. I feel empty and lost.
Will the pain ever go away? Is it possible to heal from so much loss? It's as though I've been wandering for the past year. A desert with no water; the sun scorching my skin. My heart is bleeding feelings I don't understand.
My heart bleeds. My inner being aches. My mind is a map leading nowhere. My body ingests itself. My brain is useless. My thoughts are inflicting self-harm. I catch myself before it becomes a reality.
I imagine the police knocking at my door. I imagine myself unable to open the door. I imagine being taken to the hospital. I imagine it like it was yesterday.
I wander around my house.
I'm trapped.
There's no way out of this pain.
I isolate.
I pull away from everyone. I hide deep inside my shell. Food will not kill the pain. Nothing will. I'm a ghost in a world filled with death. I'm haunted by images from the past. No one can see me. I am transparent - invisible to everyone but myself. I cut away the fat. I drown out the sorrow. I hide beneath the shame and guilt. I'm a secret to myself.
I do not commit suicide. That puts more pain on others than the temporary pain I am feeling. Dr. Wagner says, "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." Sometimes it's relieving to think about. Sometimes idealizing it is dangerous. I need to stay away from it today.
I feel too much pain.
.
Now what?
Dear Aaron,
A year has passed, you're still no longer near,
The days go by, then slowly disappear.
The joy you brought, to family and friends,
Is the legacy you gave, until your very end.
You are now up in Heaven, your addiction is no more,
You crossed the bridge of salvation, your resting place is sure.
Enjoy your time with Jesus, a love that knows no end,
I'm ready to give you a great big hug when my life on earth God sends.
I shall always remember you, in all the days that go by,
Your cheery face, your heart felt laugh and those big baby blue eyes.
You touched so many hurts when your friends needed you the most,
I pray you know the difference you made by teaching us not to boast.
Be at peace, my dear nephew, for in the quiet and still,
I hear your words and see you run, all according to God's will.
I love you,
Forever and Always,
Aunt Amy
A year has passed, you're still no longer near,
The days go by, then slowly disappear.
The joy you brought, to family and friends,
Is the legacy you gave, until your very end.
You are now up in Heaven, your addiction is no more,
You crossed the bridge of salvation, your resting place is sure.
Enjoy your time with Jesus, a love that knows no end,
I'm ready to give you a great big hug when my life on earth God sends.
I shall always remember you, in all the days that go by,
Your cheery face, your heart felt laugh and those big baby blue eyes.
You touched so many hurts when your friends needed you the most,
I pray you know the difference you made by teaching us not to boast.
Be at peace, my dear nephew, for in the quiet and still,
I hear your words and see you run, all according to God's will.
I love you,
Forever and Always,
Aunt Amy
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Friday, April 8, 2011
Dear Lord
Dear Lord,
Teach me to be full.
I longingly crave to weigh 140 lbs.
Discipline me as You see fit.
Love Amy
Teach me to be full.
I longingly crave to weigh 140 lbs.
Discipline me as You see fit.
Love Amy
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Time for Sorrow, Time for Pain
Dear Abba,
Such a long day. A good day. A heavy night.
I'm so tired. I feel emotionally numb.
I stare into this life wondering what's next.
You are my provider for all needs and wants.
Why do I feel so down?
It feels like an overcast is swarming above my head.
A gray hovering.
It's time for bed.
Please help Hope through the night.
Please help me with Hope.
Please bless Carol and may she be living in your peace.
I miss her, Abba.
Love,
Amy Kathleen
Such a long day. A good day. A heavy night.
I'm so tired. I feel emotionally numb.
I stare into this life wondering what's next.
You are my provider for all needs and wants.
Why do I feel so down?
It feels like an overcast is swarming above my head.
A gray hovering.
It's time for bed.
Please help Hope through the night.
Please help me with Hope.
Please bless Carol and may she be living in your peace.
I miss her, Abba.
Love,
Amy Kathleen
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Restful Weekend
Dear Abba,
Thank you for a rest filled weekend and for my friend Pam. Thank you for Marie's birthday yesterday and for Alicia's birthday in four days. Thank you for the cloudy day because I was able to give my mind and body the rest it needed. Thank you for the love of Mew - she is so sweet.
Now I lay my weight before you.
I ask you to please help me make wise choices like I did today.
I ask you to please help Marie lose weight consistently so she can reach her goal.
I ask you to please help me lose weight consistently so I can reach my goal.
If I can shed it a little at a time, I think I'll be okay.
But if You think I should take drastic measures, please allow my ears to hear You. I don't want to miss anything You have to say.
Thank you for my family.
Please bless Tina and Dale's marriage and protect it from harm.
Please bless Tracy and Bill's marriage and the changes they are experiencing.
Please bless my mom with weight loss and a greater self-esteem.
Please bless Ryan with a sound mind and good judgment.
Please bless Hope with less migraines and encouragement.
Please bless Samantha with stamina for the rest of her school year.
Please bless Alicia with good health.
Please bless Joe in his new relationship. Draw him closer to You.
Please bless Jonny and protect him from self-harm.
Please bless Chelsea as she adjusts to moving and leaving her friends/boyfriend.
Please bless Neena as she adjusts to moving and leaving her friends.
Please comfort Chelsea and Neena as they grieve separation from their Dad.
And Aaron, Lord. I know he's with you safe from everything that made his life miserable. I'm so sorry I didn't do more for him. Please give him a huge hug from me, complete with tears that still flow freely down my cheeks. I love him and I miss him so much.
Thirteen more days.
Your beautiful daughter,
Amy Kathleen
Thank you for a rest filled weekend and for my friend Pam. Thank you for Marie's birthday yesterday and for Alicia's birthday in four days. Thank you for the cloudy day because I was able to give my mind and body the rest it needed. Thank you for the love of Mew - she is so sweet.
Now I lay my weight before you.
I ask you to please help me make wise choices like I did today.
I ask you to please help Marie lose weight consistently so she can reach her goal.
I ask you to please help me lose weight consistently so I can reach my goal.
If I can shed it a little at a time, I think I'll be okay.
But if You think I should take drastic measures, please allow my ears to hear You. I don't want to miss anything You have to say.
Thank you for my family.
Please bless Tina and Dale's marriage and protect it from harm.
Please bless Tracy and Bill's marriage and the changes they are experiencing.
Please bless my mom with weight loss and a greater self-esteem.
Please bless Ryan with a sound mind and good judgment.
Please bless Hope with less migraines and encouragement.
Please bless Samantha with stamina for the rest of her school year.
Please bless Alicia with good health.
Please bless Joe in his new relationship. Draw him closer to You.
Please bless Jonny and protect him from self-harm.
Please bless Chelsea as she adjusts to moving and leaving her friends/boyfriend.
Please bless Neena as she adjusts to moving and leaving her friends.
Please comfort Chelsea and Neena as they grieve separation from their Dad.
And Aaron, Lord. I know he's with you safe from everything that made his life miserable. I'm so sorry I didn't do more for him. Please give him a huge hug from me, complete with tears that still flow freely down my cheeks. I love him and I miss him so much.
Thirteen more days.
Your beautiful daughter,
Amy Kathleen
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Mindless Day
Dear Father,
Thank you for the mindless day. One where I could keep errands simple then watch television for hours. It really helped to unload these burdens that are weighing me down.
I praise you for my friend Pam. She's a great buddy!
Thank you for Marie who is growing closer.
I praise you for my family.
Thank you for my health.
I praise you for discernment about taking care of myself.
Thank you for Your Omnipresence. I feel safe with you.
I'm excited to go to church tomorrow.
I'm going to try NC on Wednesday night.
Please help Marie and I to listen to Your whisper as we retrain our hunger and our thoughts toward healthy food choices. Continue giving Marie restraint even though it's her birthday. May she glorify You in all she says and does.
Please help me to make wise food choices especially when I am at my weakest point.
Love Amy
Thank you for the mindless day. One where I could keep errands simple then watch television for hours. It really helped to unload these burdens that are weighing me down.
I praise you for my friend Pam. She's a great buddy!
Thank you for Marie who is growing closer.
I praise you for my family.
Thank you for my health.
I praise you for discernment about taking care of myself.
Thank you for Your Omnipresence. I feel safe with you.
I'm excited to go to church tomorrow.
I'm going to try NC on Wednesday night.
Please help Marie and I to listen to Your whisper as we retrain our hunger and our thoughts toward healthy food choices. Continue giving Marie restraint even though it's her birthday. May she glorify You in all she says and does.
Please help me to make wise food choices especially when I am at my weakest point.
Love Amy
Friday, April 1, 2011
Burdens I Carry
Dear Father,
I am getting lazy with weight loss. I had a bad eating night last night and for lunch today. I don't want to be this size anymore. I keep thinking it's going to be quick but it's not. Annie said it's going to be a steady decline and a friend of hers took a full year to lose 100 pounds. You'd think I'd be encouraged by that but I'm not.
Working is making me so tired. I've been thinking about Carol and more often Bonnie. I'm embarrassed by the extra weight. I keep thinking if I try to do this then try to do that it will melt off. Am I obsessing again??????
Ugh. I'm going to lay down and rest.
Thanks for never giving up on me when I give up on myself.
I want to do and be my best for you.
What's it going to take??????
I wonder.
Love Amy
I am getting lazy with weight loss. I had a bad eating night last night and for lunch today. I don't want to be this size anymore. I keep thinking it's going to be quick but it's not. Annie said it's going to be a steady decline and a friend of hers took a full year to lose 100 pounds. You'd think I'd be encouraged by that but I'm not.
Working is making me so tired. I've been thinking about Carol and more often Bonnie. I'm embarrassed by the extra weight. I keep thinking if I try to do this then try to do that it will melt off. Am I obsessing again??????
Ugh. I'm going to lay down and rest.
Thanks for never giving up on me when I give up on myself.
I want to do and be my best for you.
What's it going to take??????
I wonder.
Love Amy
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Blessed Be Your Name
Dear God,
Today is a busy day. I'd rather be busy than bored. I'm doing some work for You, heading over to Tracy and Bill's to check on the kitties then to the neurologist.
Going to study the products for half an hour, make calls for an hour then document for another half hour.
I'm nervous about talking to someone. Please let me feel confident and friendly, not ill equipped and scared.
Lord, you are the one on whom I call.
Please guide me and grant me success.
I'd like to earn more money so I can rest comfortably.
I'd like the WCA to be blessed by and through my efforts.
May this day and all days forward be a blessing to You.
Love Amy Kathleen
Today is a busy day. I'd rather be busy than bored. I'm doing some work for You, heading over to Tracy and Bill's to check on the kitties then to the neurologist.
Going to study the products for half an hour, make calls for an hour then document for another half hour.
I'm nervous about talking to someone. Please let me feel confident and friendly, not ill equipped and scared.
Lord, you are the one on whom I call.
Please guide me and grant me success.
I'd like to earn more money so I can rest comfortably.
I'd like the WCA to be blessed by and through my efforts.
May this day and all days forward be a blessing to You.
Love Amy Kathleen
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Thinking
Dear God,
I sit here at my desk wondering what to do. I've already worked, taken a walk, eaten my meals and checked email. Now what do I do?
My back is still hurting. I can lay down to rest. I can watch some DVD's I haven't yet viewed.
I can watch TV episodes online. I can play the guitar. I can color.
Hm. I think I'll color and rest. And listen to beautiful music.
Thanks, God!
Love Amy Kathleen
I sit here at my desk wondering what to do. I've already worked, taken a walk, eaten my meals and checked email. Now what do I do?
My back is still hurting. I can lay down to rest. I can watch some DVD's I haven't yet viewed.
I can watch TV episodes online. I can play the guitar. I can color.
Hm. I think I'll color and rest. And listen to beautiful music.
Thanks, God!
Love Amy Kathleen
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Bored
Dear God,
I'm bored, tired, sore and depressed.
Went to church this morning.
It was great!!
Signed up for classes starting next week.
Looking forward to Celebration of Hope.
Just feeling down.
Aaron's one year is quickly approaching.
I need to let Kelly know in case my calls seem less.
Sometimes I need a distraction.
Maybe making calls to churches is really good.
I'm antsy, bouncing my legs, want to eat anything in sight.
Trying to calm down but don't know how.
Maybe I'll watch a movie in bed.
Put on a clean sheet and snuggle in.
Good night,
Love Amy Kathleen
I'm bored, tired, sore and depressed.
Went to church this morning.
It was great!!
Signed up for classes starting next week.
Looking forward to Celebration of Hope.
Just feeling down.
Aaron's one year is quickly approaching.
I need to let Kelly know in case my calls seem less.
Sometimes I need a distraction.
Maybe making calls to churches is really good.
I'm antsy, bouncing my legs, want to eat anything in sight.
Trying to calm down but don't know how.
Maybe I'll watch a movie in bed.
Put on a clean sheet and snuggle in.
Good night,
Love Amy Kathleen
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Acronym
Stressed Thinking Obsessed Mylanta Arguing Can't Help
Arrested Childlike Hovering Excuses
Stomach ache. Rolling, Rumbling, Soley, Stumbling.
Mind is full, Body aches,
Back in pain, Something breaks.
A glimmer of light, Slowly peers in,
I see a dark shadow, Again and again.
Nowhere am I safe, Nowhere am I found,
I dig a deeper hole, Into the underground.
Lies and deception, Creep around my head,
If I'm not careful, I'll wind up a tire tread.
Showing a path I want to go down,
Lead by Jesus, He knows His way around.
Come for me quickly Lord, I say with no more fear,
Let my loved ones know this: That you are always near!!
I love you, Lord!
Amy Kathleen
Arrested Childlike Hovering Excuses
Stomach ache. Rolling, Rumbling, Soley, Stumbling.
Mind is full, Body aches,
Back in pain, Something breaks.
A glimmer of light, Slowly peers in,
I see a dark shadow, Again and again.
Nowhere am I safe, Nowhere am I found,
I dig a deeper hole, Into the underground.
Lies and deception, Creep around my head,
If I'm not careful, I'll wind up a tire tread.
Showing a path I want to go down,
Lead by Jesus, He knows His way around.
Come for me quickly Lord, I say with no more fear,
Let my loved ones know this: That you are always near!!
I love you, Lord!
Amy Kathleen
Monday, March 21, 2011
Cry Day
Dear Father,
Today seems to be a cry day.
I sit here in awe of who you are.
Your mighty works,
Your wonderous deeds,
Your faithful comfort,
Your provision for needs.
You alone are the One I praise.
From the depths of my soul,
To the ancient of days.
I am steadfast in Your will,
Guiding my hands and feet,
Even when I am still.
Your name, Jesus, I call on at night.
When I hear scary footsteps,
Creeping down the hall,
I cry out to you,
For you are my All in All.
Tears of sadness,
Tears of grace,
Tears flowing down,
My childlike face.
It's you on whom I depend.
It's you on whom I call.
It's you I want to please with my life.
For you gave up everything,
For the sake of us all!
Today seems to be a cry day.
I sit here in awe of who you are.
Your mighty works,
Your wonderous deeds,
Your faithful comfort,
Your provision for needs.
You alone are the One I praise.
From the depths of my soul,
To the ancient of days.
I am steadfast in Your will,
Guiding my hands and feet,
Even when I am still.
Your name, Jesus, I call on at night.
When I hear scary footsteps,
Creeping down the hall,
I cry out to you,
For you are my All in All.
Tears of sadness,
Tears of grace,
Tears flowing down,
My childlike face.
It's you on whom I depend.
It's you on whom I call.
It's you I want to please with my life.
For you gave up everything,
For the sake of us all!
Friday, March 18, 2011
Plans for Me
Lord, what are your plans for me?
I know they are good, filled with purpose.
I know they will shape me into the image of Christ.
I wonder how you're going to do this?
While talking with Mike yesterday, I expressed a desire to return to Bright Hope.
We had an honest discussion about my health.
I told him the only person I stay in touch with is Annie.
I didn't know about the "walk out" in 2009.
I think I'm ready to return to work, Lord.
I'm so bored at home.
I'd like to return part time then full time.
I'd like to return to Bright Hope.
If that's your desire for me, please make it so.
If not, please help me prosper with the WCA.
If you want me part time in both ministries,
Show me how to do it in a healthy way.
I love you, Lord.
I won't make any movements until you say so.
The contract with the WCA is still being reviewed.
My prayer is that I move forward into your plan.
Love,
Amy Kathleen
I know they are good, filled with purpose.
I know they will shape me into the image of Christ.
I wonder how you're going to do this?
While talking with Mike yesterday, I expressed a desire to return to Bright Hope.
We had an honest discussion about my health.
I told him the only person I stay in touch with is Annie.
I didn't know about the "walk out" in 2009.
I think I'm ready to return to work, Lord.
I'm so bored at home.
I'd like to return part time then full time.
I'd like to return to Bright Hope.
If that's your desire for me, please make it so.
If not, please help me prosper with the WCA.
If you want me part time in both ministries,
Show me how to do it in a healthy way.
I love you, Lord.
I won't make any movements until you say so.
The contract with the WCA is still being reviewed.
My prayer is that I move forward into your plan.
Love,
Amy Kathleen
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Physically Drained
Dear God,
I'm so tired I can barely keep my eyes open. I want to take two sleeping pills so that my body can rest undisturbed by noises or other distractions.
I miss Aaron.
I miss him very much.
Love Amy
I'm so tired I can barely keep my eyes open. I want to take two sleeping pills so that my body can rest undisturbed by noises or other distractions.
I miss Aaron.
I miss him very much.
Love Amy
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Dear God,
It's me, Lord, coming to you with a broken heart. I knew these emotions would float up to the top when I spent some time listening to a song that reminds me of Aaron's death. He's gone, Lord. He's gone from this earth. His family and friends who love and miss him are trying to live everyday without him. For many it's difficult to bear.
All I can do is remember him.
18 years old.
Love comes with risk.
Aaron was worth the risk.
All I can do is remember him.
18 years old.
Love comes with risk.
Aaron was worth the risk.
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