Dear Abba,
Tuesday night was a time to mourn. It came out of left field, just like most grieving emotions. It happened at small group and it happened to me.
I hadn't talked about Aaron's death until that night. I laid my heart out. It was safe. But even in safety came the flood of fear. Fear of rejection, of intellect, of not being believed, of being chastised for not sharing until now, and a whole list of other beliefs.
I loved Aaron. It was so hard to see him grow up. The things he went through I understood. I've been there. Why didn't he let us help him? Instead he sought comfort in huffing poisonous gasses and fumes. He didn't mean to die but still he died.
Maybe some day I can talk about it more.
But for today, I will cry when I need to.
I love you, Abba.
With all my heart can give You.
Amy Kathleen
